The skill of influencing others is a valuable asset to have; it can help us sell products and ideas, convince people and institutions to assist us, and even get the world to change! After all, while we don’t have the power to control other people, we can always do our best to persuade them.
Seeing the Other Side
The first step in influencing other people is entering their world. This means setting aside your own point of view, and looking at the situation from another person’s perspective. Remember, each person is unique, and consequently sees the world differently. You can’t always assume that what’s clear to you is clear to the people you are talking to.Â
In short, you have to be able to answer this question for them: “what’s in it for me?”
Seeing the other side involves knowing what is important to the other person(s): their values, interests, and preferences. Do they have strong feelings against what you are pitching to them? What would it take to for them to get over their resistance? What are their characteristics, personality traits, social status, or professions that can you use in order to make your point more convincing?
Research, active listening, and keen observation can help you in “seeing the other side.”
Building a Bridge
A second skill that can help you during situations that need persuasion is bridge building.
Bridge building is the process of increasing rapport and affinity between people. It can involve making the other party feel at ease talking to you, gaining their trust, and identifying common interests.Â
Bridge building is important in persuasion because people are more likely to agree with someone they like, trust, or see as “one of them.” Aside from bridges improving the over-all communication between two parties, bridges can also serve as negotiating grounds. Bridges translate to common interests, which can be the foundation of win-win scenarios.
The following are some of the ways you can build bridges in your interpersonal relationships:
- Active Listening. If you want to gain another person’s trust, you have to communicate that you value their presence, and that you are exerting the effort to understand what they are saying to you. Listening attentively is a way to do this.Â
- Use Common Language. An indirect way of building bridges is showing by your words, manner of speaking and even by body language, that you are one with the other person. For example, use business language when you’re speaking with the company CEO, but use laymen terms when speaking with blue-collared workers. Pay attention to how the other person phrases his statements; if they’re formal, be formal, and if they’re casual, then follow suit. Similarly, attend to their pace of doing business. Some people like to relax before a deal, others like to go straight to business. Adjust your approach accordingly.
- Highlight Similarities. No matter how differently two people appear they will always have at least one thing in common. If you want to persuade a person, find these areas of similarities and emphasize them. An important similarity to emphasize is common interests — goals that you both share, that the proposal you’re pitching can address. The previous skill of “seeing the other side” can assist you in this process. Â
- Sustained Communication. Lastly, consistent and sustained communication about matters of interest can help you in influencing other people. If you feel that there is significant resistance to you or to your proposal, or there are marked differences between you and the other person, just persistently meet with the person and open communication lines. Sometimes, your mere visibility in another person’s circle can increase your likeability and credibility.
Giving In Without Giving Up
Issues are rarely black and white. In most cases, there are areas within a contention that you can compromise upon. If you want to improve your chances of influencing other people, be willing to make some concessions —- even if it’s just at the levels of simply agreeing to differ, agreeing that the other person has a right to their opinion, or agreeing that the other person has made a reasonable argument.
The skill of giving in is important because people generally don’t want to deal with individuals whose intention is to win at all points, or be declared “right” for the sake of being right. This makes the relationship confrontational rather than collaborative. The discussion becomes an argument, and the atmosphere turns tense. If you want to enhance your chances of winning someone over, be willing to consider —and even agree upon —reasonable requests. You may even volunteer to take losses in areas you can afford to give up, as long as you don’t lose sight of the main goal.
A person who is willing to “give in” from time to time comes across as sensible and realistic. Moreover, concessions communicate a sincere desire to do what is best for another person. At the very least, it can promote a culture of “quid pro quo”; I will give you something, if you give me something in return.Â
The trick lies in choosing what you will concede. Understandably, you don’t want to “give up” and concede the very thing you are selling. Keep sight of the main goal and judge what you can sacrifice based on this main goal. If you can create a win-win compromise between what you want and what the other person likes, better.Â
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